The Long Road Back

I frequently wonder why people let themselves get into a situation where they have to take some action, usually painful, to get back to where they want to be.

Case in point, someone starts smoking and 10 years later, gee, they don't want to smoke anymore but they can't seem to stop. Question: why did they start in the first place, why not chew gum or even your nails would be a lesser evil although it's disgusting watching someone chew their nails or cuticles?

Another example, someone starts taking pain pills and their reliance on them continues to grow until they can no longer control it to the extent they will lie, cheat or steal to get more and more. They knew when they started they were addictive and they knew every time they added volume they were playing with fire but it didn't stop them. Then they hit bottom and can't dig their way out. If they don't end up dead, they end up in rehab, many times more than once. Question: why not try to find another way out of the pain?

So, when I describe these two situations, mine doesn't seem so bad but I have the same question for myself, why did I let myself gain weight? I know I don't like the way I look, I don't like the way I feel, I don't like my lack of energy or the fact that I can't fit into any of my clothes, so why don't I have enough backbone or general chutzpah to stop my hand from putting weight adding food in my mouth? I especially want to know why I can't keep my hands out of stuff during the holidays. I know I was successful in keeping thin through the holidays at least two years out of my life. One year I was getting over my first love, during the second I was super committed and as a result was thinner at 52 than I had been since college. Why then and not when I was home for two months during my recovery from surgery?

I know myself and my body well enough to know that it isn't just about food, it's equally about exercise. I honestly love how I feel when I exercise but boy, this is the toughest time I've ever had getting back into shape. Again, smack through the holidays and snowed in to boot, I simply wasn't able to get past them. I'm not as bad as I was but I'm not as far along as I was at one point since I started this trek either. I just realized that when I put on today's workout outfit to Nordictrack to "Mama Mia". You know, Mike's right, they way they fit the songs into the storyline of that movie is pretty bizarre but it doesn't matter, I love the music and it gives me energy to move quickly. Anyway, I swear I'm not going to let myself backslide again, it just isn't worth having to kill yourself this way and I REFUSE to buy new clothes in a larger size. In fact, this is the first time I've been able to get into some (not all) of my smaller stuff in over a year.

I wonder if Obama is going to get discouraged or if maybe he is already? I know everything he wants to do is taking him a great deal of time and he strikes me as an action-oriented, results-driven kind of guy. His wife said she and the girls see him more now than they have for the last two years while he was on the campaign trail, so far they've had dinner together every night, unfortunately I don't think that will last long. Just look at Michael Douglas in "The American President" or Jed Bartlett in "West Wing". (I wouldn't know anything, you know, if it weren't for movies and very select few, outstanding programs on television).

I think for my birthday I'm going to ask for a book that explains the origins of words, not just the foreign language derivation if there is one, but sometimes it's how they were mushed together. I look at some words and wonder how they came to mean what they mean, kind of like the discussion about the word "inconceivable" in my favorite movie. My guess is that most words will have derived from the languages of our forefathers but the most colorful will probably be all us. I'll have to share some when I finally have the book.

Time to get ready to go drop off a birthday gift. This will be our 6th and final of the month. And yes, February is just as full. Not only that, we have a new one who is going to join our fam next month. A new little girl and I can't wait to hold her and rock her. Babies are so special!